It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. That’s because it is Christmas. You might even be reading this in the Christmas Day edition of the Voice – or, like me, you might be too busy scoring sprouts and parboiling potatoes to spare any time for my words of wisdom. I won’t judge (much).
Anyway, chez Newton we’ve been following a well-trodden path of festive tradition, literally and figuratively. Last night, we headed to Heligan for its annual Night Garden attraction. Having attended in previous years, I thought I knew what to expect; safe to say it had stepped things up a gear and we had our minds well and truly blown by the spectacle.
Not only has Heligan’s wildlife been depicted in superbly realistic lantern form, but there are some delightfully trippy immersive experiences created by light artwork specialists Squidsoup to convey the connections between ourselves and nature.
“It’s like a winter wonderland,” cooed Daughter, who took her friend. Hearing them chat and giggle their way happily around the route was lovely – and extremely useful, as it gave me the opportunity to test out the latest survey that had dropped into my inbox.
Skills for Life, part of the Department for Education, has released Dinner Table Notes – a series of tips from experts and teenagers themselves to help families navigate safe conversational topics around the Christmas table.
A new poll revealed that more than half the teens surveyed expected Christmas to be the prompt for bigger life questions from loved ones they don’t often see – and roughly half anticipate these around the turkey on the 25th.
Two-thirds dread the question “What are you going to do after school or college?”, while relationship nosiness comes in at 51 per cent. Young people said families should avoid assuming they know what’s best for them (41 per cent), being overly critical or judgmental (41 per cent) and comparing them to others (38 per cent).
The girls are still a bit young to be asked about career prospects, but “How’s school?” is right up there. Daughter gave an eyeroll with such an impressive swivel, it was practically audible. A warning to anyone who wants to give this question a try: prepare yourself for a lengthy tirade about the all-round awfulness of school and the inhabitants thereof.
To be fair to Daughter, I have heard her asked many times, “Do you like school?” I want to reply on her behalf: “Of course not! She’s a teenager!” Naturally, “she’s a teenager” also ranks pretty high on Daughter’s scorecard of pet peeves.
As for relationships, that’s a hoary old chestnut. In my youth, my gran’s neighbours thought it perfectly acceptable to ask “Are you courting?” over the garden hedge. It was never more cringeworthy than when the answer was a miserable “no”.
Today, it’s more likely to be “Have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend/gender-neutral significant other (delete as applicable)?”
“Granny always asks if I have a boyfriend,” said Daughter with another eyeroll. I have never noticed my own mother asking this, although my mother-in-law has started pointing out suitable young men to Daughter, much to her acute embarrassment.
Friend shuddered at the prospect of comparisons, “speaking as someone with a sibling”. Daughter has no siblings, but loathes comparisons with friends. As an only child myself, a phrase like “I bet X never speaks to her mum like that” was guaranteed to get my dander up – I’m bristling anew at the mere thought.
“Oh, I’ve got one!” said Daughter, warming to her theme. “Are you going to help your mum in the kitchen/with the washing up?” (said in an unflattering voice intended to be one granny or the other). The answer is a resounding “no”; Daughter knows only too well I’m happier flying solo in the kitchen.
Next in the line of fire was the Other Half’s friend, R. “He always asks who my friends are now.” This is true; R then proceeds to do a Pick of the Pops-style rundown (I provide the music) to demonstrate who’s gone up or down, any stunning new entries and who has crashed out of the top 10, consigned to oblivion. It’s highly amusing – to us. Friend was pleased to hear she was a stalwart of the higher echelons of the chart: the Bryan Adams or Bat Out of Hell, if you will.
It’s a thankless task for the grown-ups – conversation needs to flow, and we’re grasping for points of interest that will chime with teens at their time of life. World politics and the mortgage doesn’t always cut it (actually, Daughter has many views of world politics, but things can get quite heated so best avoided).
The question remains, which topics are safe? We were having so much fun discussing the no-nos, I forgot to ask. With Christmas dinner on the horizon, I guess I’ll just have to take my chances.