It’s the general election tomorrow. Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past four weeks, you know that already.

But maybe you forgot, or perhaps you switch off as soon as the football finishes and the news comes on, with its relentless polling, analysis and hustings.

In either case: you’re welcome.

Let’s face it, there isn’t much else on TV at the moment, other than Euros 24 and politicking. Both are at risk of becoming rather tedious.

Don’t get me wrong – I am politically engaged, and will certainly be voting tomorrow, as I do at every opportunity, be it for councillors or police and crime commissioners. Perish the thought that I wouldn’t, letting others decide for me. I might not get who I want, but I’ll darn well try.

The trouble is, I decided long ago who I was going to vote for, and don’t need endless interviews and debates to convince me one way or the other.

It’s at times like this I remember how adversarial our political system is. It’s not so much “Vote for me because…”, as “Don’t vote for the other guy, he’s rubbish.”

I am weary of hearing the candidates taking chunks out of each other, and I am also concerned with the two-handers between Sunak and Starmer, which hammer home the message that it’s a two-way contest for the top job.

I even had an email from the Conservative Party, reminding me to register to vote so I could avoid the Labour Party achieving an “unaccountable majority”. I have been registered to vote since I was 18, and was surprised any party would a) openly admit to being so spooked by the opposition, b) assume they had my support in the first place, and c) suggest a majority is unaccountable if people have actually voted for it.

Out of all the party leaders, Sir Ed Davey is the one coming out on top for me. From stand-up paddle-boarding to leading alpacas, he’s like your favourite uncle: friendly and inoffensive, a breath of fresh air after the last five years of dubious behaviour and backbiting. Mind you, this could be because, unlike when Neil Kinnock fell into the sea on Brighton beach, Sir Ed has nothing to lose if no one thinks he can actually win.

A slew of leaflets has been pushed through our letterbox over the past few weeks. The Other Half reads them all – he has a degree in politics and takes these things very seriously. But as a paid-up party member, he has also long known exactly who he is going to vote for.

I was especially repelled by a manifesto suggesting we ditch everything to do with Europe, human rights and the green brigade, reinvest in fossil fuels, return to Christian values and – most jaw-dropping of all – give extra child benefit payments to British couples to address “falling indigenous birth rates”.

The only thing more worrying than reading that kind of tosh on a leaflet is that someone else might actually think it’s a great idea. But that’s democracy for you.

I had applied for a postal vote, only to find that I don’t actually need one now. This was annoying, as I actually quite like the buzz of voting alongside others. “No worries – if you want to be part of it, just take your postal vote and pop it through the slot at your local polling station,” said the kindly man at Cornwall Council. Hurrah!

I will also be attending my first count, which is hard to believe given I’ve been a journalist for the best part of three decades (yikes). But it stands to reason: I entered the profession in 1997, just missing Tony Blair’s historic win. General elections take place every five years, and I was never working in news at the right time – until now.

How to survive such a long night? Coffee? Chocolate? Matchsticks? Any tips would be much appreciated.

Of course, we aren’t the only country facing potentially momentous elections. French president Emmanuel Macron has called a snap general election, three years ahead of schedule, which could see him in “cohabitation” with a prime minister from an opposition party.

And now, the Americans are weighing in, too. US politics are even more binary than in the UK, with two ageing white men vying for the ultimate pole position. As I write, Joe Biden has given the performance his supporters hoped he wouldn’t: shambling, rambling, an open goal for Donald Trump to stick the boot in. How many of these cringe-inducing debates we will have to face before the big day in November is anyone’s guess.

But for now, let’s gird our loins for our own piece of the political action. May the best candidates win. See you on the other side!