If there’s one thing I hate about the school holidays, it’s the fact that I have no reason to get up early.

But wait a second. My boss is reminding me that I have a very good reason for getting up early – after all, I’m not the one who’s on holiday.

The trouble is, hauling myself out of bed at 7am to holler at a teenager is my main driver in the morning. Making sure she gets to school on time so I don’t look like a terrible parent is a real incentive – they don’t need to know that I swear like a navvy in the process.

Stirring my stumps to go to work in the room next door just doesn’t have the same sense of urgency. Fortunately, no one is there to notice that I’ve skipped a few stages – showering, brushing teeth/hair, etc. I draw a line at working in my PJs, for now at least.

The Easter holidays began early, and with the clocks going forward. That hour might not seem like much, but sleep experts have noted that the switch to BST can mess with our circadian rhythms, leading to troubling symptoms – fatigue, heart problems, mood disorders.

Despite the holiday providing a buffer zone, I can attest to this, as I nurse a mug of very strong black coffee while my daughter fires questions at me and I try not to bite her head off. Why, I wonder, do I feel like a have the mother of all hangovers, when not a drop crossed my lips? (Ok, a small glass of red drunk, French-style, with dinner. I’m blaming BST anyway).

This morning, I had one of those awful dreams when you think you’ve got out of bed, had a wash, made breakfast - then your alarm clock goes off, and you realise you have to go through the painful process all over again (and again, and again). You’ve probably experienced this too – the scientific name is “false awakening”. These are surely the cruellest dreams of all.

By 11am, I’m desperate for another caffeinated beverage, and I’m not the only one. Coffee is the UK’s most popular drink, having long ago usurped tea.

(I was most amused when a listed Cornish “tea house” rebranded as a “coffee house” to surf this wave, clearly hoping to go from mob caps to Central Perk overnight. It has since closed).

Brits drink 98 million cups of coffee daily – that’s an average of 1.5 cups per person, or 528 cups annually.  

I didn’t touch the stuff until my 30s, when I discovered proper coffee as opposed to instant, and without milk – I’m hardcore. Perhaps it’s one of those tastes you grow into, like mushrooms and olives.

Talking of mushrooms, I’ve heard talk of a mushroom-related alternative to coffee. It’s mixed with cocoa and masala chai, and offers “focus, natural energy and immune support with the jitters, crash or dependency”.

When I mentioned this to my boss this morning, the very thought of it made my insides turn – clearly it was still too early (like before noon). She begged me for the link: “I’ve heard it’s surprisingly good.” She’s welcome to it.

How about decaf? Would it have a psychosomatic effect? Can I be bothered to find out? (Answer: no.)

Mushroom coffee purveyors MUD/WTR UK were good enough to share a few tips on how to stay awake without necking vast quantities of the addictive stuff (or the fungus-derived alternative).

Apparently, running in the morning releases endorphins that make you feel awake in the same way coffee does. But I’m not much of an athlete, especially not in the soggy weather we’ve been having.

Fresh air would doubtless be another healthy distraction, so perhaps I should get off my bottom and stick my nose out the door, which takes some effort when you work from home.

Dehydration causes fatigue, so drink plenty of water, or choose an alternative beverage like peppermint or ginger tea (both good for digestion) or Japanese matcha tea.

I am actually very fond of herbal tea, in particular the fragrant blends sold by a historic brand in a bid to stay current. The “Menopause” variety is my favourite – I have no idea if it helps me at a certain time of life, but it makes the whole house smell peachy, which is great.  

In truth, I’m not too worried about my caffeine habit. I rarely drink more than two in a morning and never after 12. I’m environmentally responsible too, recycling my pods via Podback. Sadly, my machine isn’t compatible with Cornish roasters, or I would shop local with pleasure.  

Having mused on this subject for nearly 800 words, I see it’s almost time for bed. Hot water bottle, peachy tea - this end of the day, I like much better.